And we are so lucky to have so many of those people <3
Where do I begin. Today is special, like many days in this pregnancy have been. We're 37 weeks. 37!! That's a big deal to a woman with an incompetent cervix. A number most of us dream of. Thanks to Dr. Haney, we're here. Without a single issue, without any ER visits, with out any problems at all. I'm still working 40+ hrs, on my feet. Still feel fabulous. I helped my husband steam clean the carpets today, I've helped paint and set up the baby's nursery. I get around like my non pregnant self does and I've loved every single moment of it!
Being able to attend my baby showers has been amazing too! Not having to worry about being on my feet and putting pressure on my cervix has been the best thing in the world. We've had 3 showers so far and I've been able to get dressed up and attend them with no problems at all. My own doctor even attended one of my showers <3 That was a special moment. She's been through every thing with us. She gave us a beautiful book called "someone came before you" to read to our baby. It will tell him the story of the babies that came before him and how they made room in our hearts for him when we were ready.
I don't even have a word for how we feel. "Amazing" just doesn't cut it. I could never thank Dr. Haney enough for what he has done for my family. He has given us a gift of carrying a child to term. How do you ever thank someone for that?
In 19 days (or less!) we will welcome a beautiful, full term rainbow baby into our lives. For the first time in our lives a birth will not be a traumatizing moment but a beautiful one, like it should be. Instead of my husband holding our child as we watch them slowly stop breathing, and watch them take one last gasp of air and they fight to stay alive...I will watch my husband hold our son and we will watch his lungs fill with air and he'll go it again and again. Something we've never experienced before. And for once those sweet, mature lungs with fill and let out the most glorious cry in the world. A cry we've waited 8 years to hear. A cry we've only dreamt of and fought very hard for. One I hope we hear whenever he feels like letting one out. We will certainly cherish that noise more than anyone could know. For that noise means life, means he's living and breathing. We will leave that hospital with our arms and hearts full for once. Instead of a box of mementos and traumatizing memories of what should have been.
There is a car seat in our car and I can't tell you how many times I've looked in the rear view mirror and let a few tears out at that sight. A sight I longed for since we lost Emerson. I remember looking back in my old jeep after we lost her and closing my eyes tight, hoping that when I opened them she'd be there in a car seat but she never was. It wasn't a dream, she was gone. 8 years later, there's a car seat and I've closed my eyes tight, opened them expecting it to be gone. Like this wasn't really happening but it is. There are bags packed just in case I go into labor. There is a bag for our son, with diapers, blankets and all his tiny clothes. I have a son coming. I'm having a full term baby. As I type this he is in there rolling around. I can look down and see my belly moving. I have loved every moment of this pregnancy. There were moments when I was worried and scared. That's normal for what we've been through but this was a beautiful pregnancy. So much so that I'm not sure I'm ready for it to end LOL I've truly loved being pregnant with him.
I've enjoyed seeing my husband so happy. Getting the experiences he deserves so much. He's been wonderful. He takes care of everything and happily. I even got an awesome foot rub the other day. I have enjoyed the moments when a true smile comes across his face. Sadly I've learned how to tell the difference from a real smile that looks forced and one that really has true happiness behind it. He was so happy helping set up and attending the beautiful baby shower on my side of the family. Helping me open presents and kindly making sure I didn't lift anything. He's the best father and I can't wait for all the new things we'll learn and discover together.
We've been surrounded by many happy and supportive people. Truly a blessing. We had a beautiful rainbow baby shower from his coworkers (our Spanky's family). Walking into a room filled with rainbow colors made me choke up. This baby is really spoiled ;) To have a baby shower was a wonderful milestone and we've been blessed with 3 so far. All of them so beautiful and mean more to us than anyone could know. And each one included the girls too, which my heart just loved. We are mother and father to 3 children and it truly is a special thing to have all of them included together.
I really have run out of words to explain this feeling. To explain all of this journey. It's been nothing but a dream for 8 years. We've fought so hard and now it's here. I can't wait to touch him, hear his noises, change the worlds worst diapers and give up the life we've know for over 12 years, to experience it in another light. I don't expect it to always be easy but we've buried 2 children, been through 9 pregnancies...we're ready for whatever comes our way. I'm ready for those difficult things for I am so tired of the difficult things we've dealt with in the past.
For those of you that have supported us non stop through the last 8 years, I love you. There is no way for me to ever let you know what you've done for us. How you've helped us. How you've supported us. How you've asked over and over if there was any more you could do. And how you've remembered our daughters with us this whole time, through the sad days and helped us honor them through this pregnancy. The out pouring of gifts we've been given, every single one we've cherished and truly feel blessed. Please know that nothing you've done has gone unnoticed. Thank you.
