A special lady

 Today I am reminded that I am surrounded by wonderful people who have allowed me to openly grieve and have been nothing but loving and supportive of me. They support me when I'm happy and love me even when I'm not my greatest.

Today my eyes were opened. I work in a bakery. We hired a new cake decorator back in August. I haven't noticed a single baby shower cake in a very long time. I didn't really pay much attention to it. Then I was told that our new decorator (who obviously knows my story) decided to take all the shower cakes that come through and work on them only after I leave. She hid them from me. She never speaks of pregnancies in front of me. This whole time I had no clue. I'm amazed that someone could possibly figure out what could hurt a mother like me and be so sensitive. It's not easy to do. I know it's not. I know I confuse people because I talk about baby stuff but it's easy to talk about (sometimes)  when you have hope for the future. Pregnancy announcements still sting and certain days I hate anything to do with babies. I don't want to see baby clothes or hear about children. So I KNOW it isn't easy to figure out what could hurt another person like me.

I'm amazed that she would even think of that. After talking about that at work today, I found out other things she does to protect me. She found out someone that we both know is pregnant, and without me knowing she asked someone else if I knew. Then asked them how I was handling it. How could she possibly know that I might be having a hard time with it? How could she know those annoucements still sting, no matter how happy I am for others, they still hurt. I still wish it was me. I didn't even think she knew they were pregnant because she didn't mention a single thing about it. And in great detail she can tell you how she thinks it makes me feel and she hits the nail on the head every single time. She is an amazing human being. It take s a lot of work to hide cakes and orders from me. I still can't believe she's done that for over 7 months. That means the next baby shower cake I'll see will be my own. I don't think she realizes how special that is for me. I'm shocked. Nothing could ever tell her how sweet and caring I think she is. It takes a lot to see the world through someone else's eyes, especially a mother who had dealt with infertility and lots of loss.

She even recognizes the girls. I was making Derrick a birthday cake and she slipped one purple and one pink candle for me to take to him. She said she wanted him to make a wish and those candles represented the girls. I've only told her their colors once. This women has such a beautiful heart. She cries with me from sadness and sheds tears of happiness with me. I am so thankful to know her. I appreciate her more than she could ever know.

Even living this life, it's hard to know what might be a trigger and bring on pain. I'm shocked that someone on the outside could put themselves in my shoes and see the world differently. To go out of her way to hide baby shower cakes until I finished my shift. She told me that she wants to make my cake. She said I could have as many as I wanted if I couldn't decide on one design. She knows I never had a baby shower and I've always dreamed of it. She's a special lady and I'm lucky to have her in my life. <3