This is what I get to do....this is how we get to be parents

     Today will be spent proof reading the next draft of the headstone. We have the day off together and I'd like to try to keep it a good day. Something we always try to do, but never really succeed at. There is always something that will ruin the day. We'll try to go out to eat and we'll be sat next to a couple with an older daughter and a brand new baby. So we get to stare and what life should have been like. Or we'll have a good day and somehow the world will want to ruin it, so I've learned to not keep my cell with me when we're out trying to enjoy the day together and dodge the baby aisles in the stores (something we've become experts at). We cried in Target the other day, it wasn't that long ago that Derrick was pushing me in the wheel chair (I was allowed to walk (not much)but Doc said if it gave me piece of mind, a wheelchair was absolutely fine) and we were looking at all the baby girl stuff. Thinking about what we wanted. Such a happy time. 

However, today is already ruined. I have to keep looking at the draft for the stone, just to see if I've missed any errors on it that I hadn't noticed the first time. Sounds really fun doesn't it? Sounds like something a parent should have to go through? So awesome for us we get to do it for 2 girls. Obviously I'm being sarcastic because I am very angry. I'm very bitter and I'd like to punch something at the moment. But because I have to be normal and have to live up to what people think I should be doing or how I should be acting, I'll sit here quietly and every once in a while check the draft to see if I notice anything I didn't before. I haven't shown Derrick the 2nd draft yet. I didn't want to ruin his day today. Both of us don't get very many good days, so I guess I try to protect him sometimes. We're open with eachother so I know what bothers him and today I won't show him the draft. I'll try to salvage his day even if mine is already crap. We don't know how the hell we're going to survive this sometimes